We Met In a Carport
Spencer and I met on a summer night in Colorado when we crossed paths in his carport. That’s where the beer was.
I had been invited to this party a week earlier by our only mutual friend, who sent an email stating, “I want you to meet my friend.” Although, that phrase was more than enough encouragement, I inquired a bit further, asking for some additional details. Follow up details included: “He likes bikes, he’s funny, and he has as job.” In which, I became optimistic. Who was this presumably single person, my age, who was funny and had a job? It seemed almost impossible. I had to find out. Plus, Paul hadn’t called me back that week. So yeah, why not?
I brought a watermelon to the party. Mostly because it was on sale at Sprouts, but partially so that if I ended up dating this guy part of the story would be “I carried a watermelon!” No one puts that line in the corner.
The narrative of that night is still really clear. Like, that Spencer kind of froze a little bit when I handed him the fruit and told him my name. And that I really liked the way he laughed so hard at all of this friends stories, he wasn’t embarrassed, he couldn’t help himself. And that when dinner was ready, I felt like a total jerk having to ask, “is any of this vegetarian”, but was answered quickly and easily that “yes” it was all vegetarian. And knowing then that wouldn't be our last conversation. Anyway, everyone has their criteria…that stuff matters to me.
The last guy I had seriously dated fit my criteria perfectly. I knew this because, believing in the power of manifestation, thanks to Oprah, I had written out exactly what I was looking for on a notecard, which I kept taped inside my journal. (A 28 year old with a journal). And guess what? I got exactly that. Nothing less. But it wasn't enough.
So what is "enough?" Or more specifically, what is the right amount?
Maybe it's traveling to Belize with a guy you met six weeks earlier. Or sitting on a patio picking around your entree in a delicate-first-date kind of way, but then showing all your cards when dessert is served. It could be breaking all previous relationship rules you've set to protect yourself and jumping in to the deep end with a running start because "what if." It could be (oh gosh, I shouldn't, but I will) working up the nerve to poop at his house! That one comes long after moving in. Many times it's knowing when to give up the wheel, or knowing the right time to drive. Sometimes it could be just walking around the block together in the morning.
At the end of the day, I think it's a simple equation, and everything else falls in around it. Is time spent with this person more delightful than time spent without this person? Absolutely.